The Lyrics to Bodak Yellow Explained ...

1. Say Little B__h, You Can’t F—k with Me if You Wanted to

Translation: “Hi [insert nasty neighbor’s name here], how’s it going? Had a good weekend?” A few more meaningless sentences about the weather, how to avoid the nasty flu going around (“You definitely gotta wipe off those shopping cart handles!”), a couple more sentences on the benefits of pre-school, and then gotta head home... Because I’m not Cardi B.

2. These Expensive, These is Red Bottoms, These is Bloody Shoes

No, we can’t afford those red bottomed shoes. What are they again? Louboutin’s. Yeah, they cost about a month’s rent.

But what’s that smell. I swear I better not look on the bottoms of these shoes and find…. Yup, there it is! DOGGY DOO! That’s got to be my neighbor’s Yorkie. What? She thinks his poops are so small she doesn’t have to pick ‘em up? Wait till I see that ^&&*. I’m going to read her the riot act. Forget that. I’m going to read her some Cardi B lyrics. Maybe she needs to hear the whole darn song.

3. Hit the Store, I Can Get Them Both, I Don’t Wanna Choose

Hit the store? Get two pairs of shoes? Well, I do need some new shoes after that doggy doo incident. They still seem a little whiffy. Maybe this month, I should just treat myself. Let me get out the calculator.

Let’s see, after rent, utilities, train pass, groceries, school bills. Uh no. Can’t afford two pairs of shoes. Maybe I could get one pair if I ate only Ramen Noodles the rest of the month. Back to the calculator. It looks like I can afford exactly one shoe. Not one pair, mind you. One SHOE. On layaway. Huh.

4. Don’t Get Comfortable----LUH

Translated for the rest of us poor schmucks that means: You can keep the cab meter running ‘cuz the turnaround time is quick!
In game-show talk: “You are the weakest link: Goodbye!”
In Apprentice talk: “You’re fired!”
In Ice Cube talk: “Bye Felicia!”
In other words, don’t bother coming up. And use the revolving door.
In other words, don’t bother coming up. And use the revolving door.

5. IfISeeUnIOntSpeak--ThatMeansIOntFWithU

Huh? What? I just know she is insulting somebody somewhere. I just want to know WHO and WHY.

So let me see if I can parse that sentence out. Hmm… After a little head-scratching that seems to work out to “If I see you and I don’t speak, that means I don’t f—k with you.”
Maybe it works on nasty neighbors?
But, unfortunately translated in regular-speak it comes out like: Grit your teeth. Fake a smile. Mention something about doggy bags being on sale this week. Keep the peace. Walk carefully like there are little brown land mines waiting to get you.

6. Look I Don’t Dance Now. I Make Money Moves. Look, I Don’t Work Now. I Just Won the Lotto

Oh, forget it. Who am I kidding, seriously? My bills have their own bills. I figure I’ll be working till I’m at least 75.

And the work environment out there is daunting. Nowadays you gotta worry about all the competition. Younger workers. Automation. Companies moving overseas.

But I’ve already thought it all out, and I have a solution for everything: Younger workers? Botox and NoDoz. Fixed. Next! Automation? I’ve seen all the Matrix movies, so I’m ready. Next! Companies moving overseas? That’s what plane tickets are for. I may not have Cardi B moves, but I’ve got a few ideas of my own.

7. Now She Say She Gon’ do What to Who?

Uh oh. Sounds like that doggy-loving neighbor might have heard me whisper a few Cardi B lyrics in her direction. And now’s she’s gunning for me.

I could buy one of those flame-throwers Elon Musk is reportedly selling. Supposedly they can stave off zombie armies. Probably they could take out one little old lady and a Yorkie.

But seriously. Isn’t that what’s wrong with the world today? No-one wants to sit down and talk civilly. Overcome differences. Search for common solutions.

On the other hand, if I had one of those flamethrowers and a Rottweiler….

8. I Don’t Bother with These H—s, Don’t Let These H—s Bother Me

Yup. I am totally above it all. Ruined shoes. Yippy dog. Nasty neighbor. None of this is going to get to me because I am better than that.

I am totally grounded in reality. I can transcend pettiness, trivial quarrels, and small-mindedness to concentrate on the bigger patterns of life, which hold the key to one’s serenity and peace of mind.

And I’m going to start showing these great qualities of composure and patience in just a few minutes. After I listen to “Bodak Yellow,” “I’m Going to Knock You Out” and “Jesus Take the Wheel” just a few more times….

9. Got a Bag and Fixed My Teeth

Huh, what? Fixed teeth? I can’t even fix my car. What is with my car anyway? I swear those machines I was talking about before—you know the one bringing Matrix-type automation trying to steal our jobs? Well, they’re already messing with us.

People keep talking about these ‘intelligent’ machines—cars that will drive themselves, fridges that will remind you to buy more milk, toasters that will shut themselves off. Well guess what? The machines are already TALKING AMONGST THEMSELVES.

How do I know? Well, when one machine breaks down and you fix it, the other waits till you’ve saved a bit of money, then it breaks down too. They’re like plotting to keep you in a constant cycle of poverty. So the car breaks down first. You fix that. Then the washing machine waits till you paid off the car—then it breaks down! And when you’ve finished paying off the washing machine, the water tank burns out.

I’m never going to get those shoes!

10. I Need to Fill up the Tank: No, I Need to Fill up the Safe

Hmm. Ok, you go Cardi B. Me personally? I just gotta fill up the tank. Gas is kinda expensive. Not to mention car insurance, car registration, and, oh yeah, I still gotta FIX my car.

And there you have it... Cardi B lyrics for the rest of us. ‘Cuz that’s not how we roll. In fact, seems I personally am not rolling anywhere till I fix my car. Gotta take the train.

Catch you later…